Given some of the various ideas from this years presidential candidates (socialized medicine from Obama and socialized housing from McCain), as well as near socializing of US banks (not to be out done by British banks).
I believe that there is one more important area that we must focus on socializing... education is already there and nutrition is probably soon to follow (without three square meals a day how can anyone ever be healthy enough to go to the doctor?) it’s time... for universal clothing!
Sure there are people filing bankruptcy as a result of medical bills and facing foreclosure because they can’t pay their mortgage payments… but how is one to go get their government cheese if they do not have clothing that fits?
More so think about the environmental impact of countless tall people searching high and low for properly fitting clothes, going to store after store, possibly driving over a hundred miles a weekend while on the hunt… all the while emitting countless pounds of carbon into the atmosphere.
That’s right my friends… the lack of affordable clothing leads to global warming.
Well look, is it my fault that I am ~6’4” and and all upper body?
Is it my fault that the average height of an adult male in the United States is ~5’9”?
Why should I be forced to suffer and pay for the result of my genes?
Why shouldn’t people who have an easy time buying cheap clothes at almost any store (or getting free clothes) have to help reduce the burden on those who have been cursed with being a little closer to the sun and all of it’s harmful rays?
Why not spread the wealth (and threads) around?
It’s bad enough that we already suffer from bad posture from just trying to look less freakish in a group of normally sized people (or as we call them, ‘dirty rotten averaged heighted hobbits’), suffering through smaller cars, chairs, doorways, beds, plane seats, tree branches, stair cases and roller coasters.
Ultimately the lack of access to affordable and properly sized clothing is nothing but class warfare, that’s right, the shorter class through their numbers outright discriminating against the taller ones who are a clear minority. All the while the barons of big attire make windfall profits exploiting the taller sector of society with price gouging whenever they see fit to dangle a taller size in front of us.
I’ve got news for the fashionestas out there… one size does not fit all, not even most and unless you like seeing peoples ankles, belly's or the top of (male) rear ends you need to do more than throw a token 1/4th inch at the bottom of a shirt and call it ‘tall’.
Sadly I fear that 2008 will not be an election where either presidential candidate will fight for the kind of change that the vertically gifted need as they make quite clear on both of their campaign stores (Examples: McCain, Obama) that they do not care about the taller class through their blatant bigotry towards those who by virtue of their birth are unable to wear a standard size shirt. Both might as well hang a sign on their campaign offices saying “No tall need apply”!
How is Joe the plumber who will soon be burdened with increased taxes, preventing him from buying the business he works for ever going to go hunt elk from a helicopter if he can’t find cold weather gear that fits and doesn’t drive him to get evicted from the poorhouse after a foreclosure due to predatory lending and lax regulations over the last 8 years?
Join with me my tall brothers and sisters, let our voices be heard, our motto will not be ‘yes we can’, ‘yes we will’ or even ‘yes we shall’... instead out motto will be: “yes you will”*.
It is time for the bigotry and hatred to end, it’s time for us to be our bother’s keeper and clothe our neighbors, even if those neighbors are of a different size than us.
No longer will we suffer from the indignity of not being able to tuck in our shirts or feel self conscious when we go to bed over. No longer will we be forced not to have sleeves that go all the way to our wrists. No longer will we put up with being told to try a size or two bigger.
This is our time! Rise up and let your voices be heard! Let us stop this pork barrel spending on bridges to nowhere that are called for by the handmaidens of big attire. We need to drill here, drill now, no matter what lipstick our politicians try to put on this issue.
Clothing shouldn’t be seen as a luxury, a responsibility or even an option, it is a basic human right and should be treated like one, and the sooner or politicians recognize that, the better we will all be.
Say it with me: Yes… you… will!
*T-shirts with the motto “Yes you will” will hopefully soon be available… just as soon as an online custom T-shirt maker can be found that has tall shirt sizes available.
Come to think of it this becomes not just a basic human dignity issue, it’s also a civil rights issue of free speech. The complete lack of serious or satirical clothing has a chilling effect on our ability to be seen and heard. It’s worse than I’d ever feared, big attire doesn’t just want to exploit us, they want to suppress our speech.
